


An Effigy

by nmworks



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Blood, Bondage, Drugging, Erotomania, Graphic Rape, Homophobic Slurs, Hurt Spencer, Investigation, Kidnapped Spencer Reid, Kidnapping, M/M, Stalker, Stalking, Violence, dubcon, erotomaniac, noncon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:01:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23959600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nmworks/pseuds/nmworks
Summary: Spencer Reid tends to give lectures at colleges on his spare time, it gives him a valid place to spew statistics. But, after encountering a crazed erotomaniac, Spencer must use his mind to keep himself alive while the rest of the team finds him.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Male Character, Spencer Reid/Unsub (Criminal Minds)
Comments: 52
Kudos: 270





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is very graphic and has a bit of conflicted feelings on Spencer's part. I tagged what I could but I may have missed some, just note that this is not for everyone and if you're sensitive to these topics I suggest not reading.

“Thank you all for listening to me ramble for an hour,” he joked and a small chuckle came from the audience, “i-if you have any questions or concerns, you can ask me or call my associate, Jennifer Jareau.” Reid flashed an awkward smile and waved as he walked off the podium to applause.

He wiped his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt and relaxed his shoulders slightly.

“You did great,” Morgan said, leaning against the wall as students began to disperse and leave the lecture hall.

“Thanks.” He pursed his lips slightly. “I wonder how many of them are actually interested in what I’m talking about.”

“They wouldn’t show up if they weren’t.” He reassured Reid before patting his shoulder. “JJ and I managed to convince Hotchner to go out to dinner.” Reid gave Morgan an amused smile and Morgan gave him one back. “I know, I know. We’re in the Big Apple, might as well enjoy it, right?” 

Reid looked away for a moment. “I feel this is leading up to something.”

“Well, we wanted you to come with us. I know this stuff ain’t really your thing but I think it would be good for you to spread your wings a little, see the sights.”

Reid was quiet with thought before nodding. Morgan smiled. “Promise you won’t regret it. 7, tonight, we meet at the hotel lobby. Alright?”

He nodded again before frowning. “Did you know that a robber is more likely to injure a victim if it’s night? According to a report by the Bureau--”

“Are you gonna show up?” Morgan interjected and Reid pursed his lips again.

“Sorry, yeah.” He smiled and Morgan patted his shoulder again. “Don’t have too much fun ‘til then.” He quipped and Reid waved at him. “I-I won’t.” Morgan smirked and left the lecture hall through a side door. Almost all the students had cleared out by then, but one.

“H-Hi,” a nervous voice said, “I-I don’t want to bother you but--”

Reid turned to his left and looked up at the speaker. He was taller than Reid, somehow, and definitely more muscular. “No, it’s no bother at all.” Reid said politely and put his hand on the strap of his satchel.

“I’m a really big fan of your work, Spencer,” the man went on, “Your observations regarding the recent case are just phenomenal.”

Reid smiled at the flattery and tucked his hair behind his ear. “It’s Dr. Spencer Reid. I-I appreciate the compliment, but the BAU operates as a team and I would have never been able to make the connection without my teammates.”

The man looked a little upset. “But it was you who ultimately led to his capture, wasn’t it? You did it?”

Reid’s brow furrowed as he began to grow suspicious of the man. “Yes, I did. But as I stated previously, I could have never done it without my team.”

“Right… Spencer, you should know that… I’m just a really big fan.” The man’s eyes looked at Reid oddly, uncomfortably. 

He swallowed nervously and began making his way to the door. “I-I really need to go, my team--”

“You never asked for my name.” The man said, his tone now cross. Reid paused and collected his composure, turning around. “Y-you’re right, that was rude of me. What is your name?”

“It doesn’t matter… Bye.” He said abruptly before leaving the lecture hall. Reid let out a deep breath and took a moment to calm himself. Unfortunately, with his line of work, people like that were inevitable. Though, nothing seemed too alarming. Just another strange fan. Reid had an odd amount of those.

Reid walked to his hotel, which was only a few blocks from the campus. Manhattan was strange, how colleges were intertwined with the skyscrapers. It was a true mixing pot of every single kind of person, which frankly frightened him. It wasn’t a small town where everyone knows everybody, where you know the demographic. People of all races, all economic backgrounds, all walks of life converged in a relatively small center. There was no generalization, no blanket term. It was out of his comfort zone.

He left the elevator and walked down the hall to his room. He began searching through his satchel, looking for his room key. He was certain he had put it in the front pocket. No, he had put it there. His heart began to sink as he felt goosebumps on the back of his neck.

“Looking for this?” A familiar voice said and Reid swallowed nervously, his breathing becoming rugged. “Please, whatever you want, we can work it out.” He spoke calmly and the man slammed his hand on the door which caused Reid to jump. “Take out your gun. I know you have it on you. Take it out and toss it or I swear to God I will kill you right fucking now.”

Reid’s eyes began to water as he slowly reached his holster, taking out his pistol and gently laid it on the ground, putting his hands up in submission. “You don’t have to do this.” His voice trembled slightly. “You won’t be in trouble, I promise.” He practically whispered as the other man pet his hair before inhaling deeply, moaning softly. “It’s better than I imagined.” The man whispered before abruptly taking Reid’s hair into his fist, slamming his head against the room door. He was caught off guard by this, his eyes rolling back as his vision went black.

He slowly opened his eyes, feeling his body shift. Everything was blurry, and his mind was trying to make sense of what had just happened. He tried to move hair from his face but his wrists were restrained behind him. He let out a low groan and tried to lift his head, but a sharp pain stopped him. He heard a chuckle and fear immediately filled his veins.

“I’m sorry, Spencer, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His voice was calm again. “I was scared that you would try to run away.”

Reid closed his eyes again and let out another groan. “Where are you taking me…”

“Somewhere safe.”

He sighed at the vague answer as his eyes began to focus. He was in a car, in the backseat. By the lack of traffic sounds, he wasn’t in the city anymore. He wasn’t sure how long he had been out. He shifted his wrists and felt soft cloth, as well as leather. They were most likely BDSM gear, easily accessible but definitely not cheap. His ankles were restrained by the same method. “... Who are you…”

The man gripped his steering wheel tightly. “Who am I? Who am I?! You dare say that after all the moments we’ve had together? All the times you’ve looked at me with that… that look -- that look that you gave to me. Only me. Who am I?” He scoffed and began to calm down. “You must have a concussion. You’ll remember soon enough.”

Reid tried thinking, but any use of his mind gave him an awful headache. He looked up and out the window, seeing trees, lots of them. He must be in upstate New York now, but determining exactly where was impossible right now. Tired, with his mind thumping, he closed his eyes again, letting out a resigned sigh. “My team will look for me…”

“I know.” The man said curtly. “I’ve already prepared for that. They won’t find you.”

“They will… they will find me…” He felt his consciousness slipping from him, but he tried to hold on for as long as he could. “... they will.”

* * *

Morgan checked his watch, frowning. “Anyone hear from Reid?”

They shook their heads and Emily sighed. “I’ll go check on him, he’s probably just nervous. Be back in a few.” She smiled and Morgan sighed. “Was it a good idea? To bring him along?”

Hotchner sighed softly. “We need a moment for ourselves. This case was rough and having recreational time is necessary for this kind of job.”

“You have recreational time, Hotch?” JJ said with a little smile. Hotchner just smiled softly and rolled his eyes.

Emily left the elevator, checking her watch as she went to Reid’s room. She froze, at first, from the hallway she could see a gun on the floor. She quickly pulled out her own weapon and slowly stepped towards the door, scanning the area. On the floor was his gun, along with his room key. There were a few drops of blood on the floor. Afraid of compromising anything, she backed away. She shifted her weapon into one hand and reached for her phone, calling Hotchner.

Hotchner frowned a bit and reached for his phone, seeing that Prentiss was calling. “It’s Prentiss.” He said aloud before answering. “Is everything okay, Emily?” He asked.

“No, no it’s not,” she answered. “I-I can’t find Reid, and his gun and room key are on the floor.”

Hotchner quickly stood up and gestured for the others to get ready. “Are you sure?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m sure.” She sighed. “Hotch, there’s blood.”

“We’re coming now. Call 9-1-1 and try not to touch anything.”

“Yes, sir.” She quickly hung up, calling 9-1-1. Her mind was racing with possibilities. He could be dead, could be long gone, could be hurt. Why didn’t she think to check on him? She began to breathe heavily. Reid wasn’t comfortable in places like this, she knew that. They all knew that. But they trusted him, they trusted him. _He’s a trained FBI Agent, he can handle himself._ _He’s smart,_ she told himself, _he wouldn’t let himself be taken unless it was absolutely necessary._ She just hoped he was smart enough to know that no matter what, they wouldn't stop until they found him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post a new chapter every few days, please comment if you enjoy it and tell me what you like!


	2. Chapter 2

Reid slowly opened his eyes, frowning at the light in his eyes. He let out a soft noise and turned his head away. His other senses began to catch up. It was chilly, he was laying down. There was cotton fabric against his skin, and he still felt the leather cuffs on his wrists and ankles. His wrists were stretched above his head, a little uncomfortably. He looked down and saw his ankles bound to the frame of the bed, at the foot. He looked around, recognizing the room as a bedroom. He was on a queen size bed, to his left was a nightstand, against the wall was a wardrobe and vanity with makeup on it. There was a door to his right, and a door across from him. There was a window to his left as well, which was causing him the discomfort. It was nice, and suggested a woman and a man lived here.

The door opened, and the man came in. He was holding a wet rag and a box of bandages. “I’m sorry, Spencer,” he said while walking towards him. “I didn’t realize how hard I hit you until I got you all settled here.” He sat next to him and Reid turned away. The man sighed softly. “I’m Billie, but you probably already know that. I’m sorry if I scared you, I just get so angry…” He shook his head as Reid slowly turned his head to him.

“I’m sorry, Billie, but I don't know you.” He spoke calmly, brown eyes clashing with Billie’s harsh blue.

“Yes… you do.” Billie said, looking confused. “I have gone to every single one of your lectures. Every single one. And each time you smiled… at me.” He smiled warmly and closed his eyes, reminiscing. “I felt so warm when you did… like -- like everything made sense.”

“Billie, I--”

“Don’t test me! Don’t -- don’t… I don’t want to hurt you again. Let me take care of your forehead.” His tone shifted so abruptly, Reid knew he was unpredictable.

“Okay… Billie, okay. I’m sorry.” He swallowed roughly and Billie dabbed his forehead, cleaning it of blood. Reid hissed softly and once he was done, he opened the box and put a bandage on the wound. “Thank you.” He spoke softly.

Billie smiled and kissed his cheek which made Reid squirm a little. “You’re welcome.” He looked him up and down, biting his lower lip. “You’re so much better close… I don’t know if I can ever leave you…” He stroked his cheek and neck which made Reid instinctively move away. “All those looks you gave me… I know what they meant.” His hand trailed down his chest to Reid’s belt buckle which made him squirm.

“Please--” He whimpered. “Don’t do this… please…” He looked up at Billie with pleading eyes.

“What, change your mind so fast?” He said while he played with Reid’s belt buckle playfully. “I can take care of you. Just relax.” He smirked before finally undoing it.

Reid felt the blood leave his face as the realization of what was about to happen began to sink in. He began to tear up. “Please, please, please-- Billie, don’t do this, I don’t want this--”

“Shut up!” He snapped suddenly which caused the young doctor to flinch.

Now upset, he hastily unzipped Reid’s pants. He moved and straddled his lap. Tears began to roll down his cheeks as he closed his eyes as tight as possible. If he couldn’t see it, it wasn’t happening. It wasn’t real. But this act only made the man more upset.

“Look at me, Spencer!” He yelled and reached, beginning to choke him. Reid gagged for air desperately and looked at the man, his eyes red and his cheeks glistening with tears. That terrified, vulnerable look triggered something in Billie as he let go of Reid’s neck. He gasped for air, coughing a bit, and Billie wiped his tears. “I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to… I’ll make it up to you.” He leaned forward and planted a tender kiss on Reid’s lips which was not reciprocated. 

Billie undid his pants but didn’t take them off, similar to what he did with Reid. He pressed his body against the thinner man and wrapped his arms around him, enveloping his body completely. Reid uncomfortably shifted under him, clenching his hands into fists. If he aggravated Billie by resisting, he could be hurt even more, and he needed to be in his best condition if he wanted to try an escape. Reid rested his face within the man’s neck to mostly hide the shame and embarrassment.

Billie began to grind against him, closing his eyes as he grunted in Reid’s ear.

He didn’t want to like it. He didn’t like it. This was not something he wanted. And yet, his body was giving him other signals. He could feel the blood rushing, the need for pressure, the pulses of pleasure running through him. 

Billie began nipping his neck affectionately, and Reid let out a soft moan. At that, he smirked. “That’s it, let yourself enjoy it.” He panted out and began to grind faster.

Reid felt himself press against the man, letting out soft pants. His body was working against him, and he was hurt by the betrayal. He began to doubt himself, his body wouldn’t lie--he wanted this… right?

Billie kept going, bringing the doctor closer and closer to his boiling point. He became more verbal, his cheeks becoming hot. “Billie--” Reid panted out but he shushed him. “I know. I’ll take care of you.” Tears began to run down his cheeks because he was enjoying it.

He moved off of Reid suddenly, which prompted him to press his hips up against nothing. Billie smirked to himself. “You’re so hot,” he said while nuzzling his member through his underwear.

Reid couldn’t stop the tears, he was so ashamed of himself for enjoying something like this. He hated this, hated himself. He just wanted to disappear, close his eyes and melt into the bed. It would save himself from having to deal with this anymore. His thought process was stopped when he felt something warm around his member, which caused an audible gasp. Billie used his tongue to lick under his crown which caused the younger man to squirm in pleasure. He began to stroke him at the same time which began to bring him to finish.

“P-please--” Reid let out a choked cry. “I-I’m--mmm--” 

At that moment, he finished, letting out a pathetic whimper. Billie swallowed everything, pulling off. He fixed Reid’s pants before kissing up his body to his lips. Reid was unresponsive, his gaze lost in the window. Billie gave him a quick peck to his cheek before getting up and leaving. After a few minutes, he came back with some water. “Here. Drink this.” He sat down next to Reid and set the glass on the nightstand before he made him sit up a bit, enough for him to drink. Reid blinked a few times, bringing him back to the present as his captor pressed the glass against his lips. “T-thank you,” he whispered before beginning to drink the water. He drank all of it and Billie smiled. “I’ll see you later.” He kissed his forehead lovingly before getting up and leaving.

He knew at that moment something was wrong. His vision began to come blurry, and he couldn’t think at all. The water was drugged. He should have guessed that. It’s a common tactic used by kidnappers to keep their captives weak and unable to think for themselves. By the makeup on the wardrobe, he guessed that Billie had a girlfriend or wife that he lived with, mostly for appearances. Erotomania often manifests when someone is under emotional duress which causes them to have a psychotic break and latch onto one person and become infatuated with them. They live in a fantasy where both them and their object of desire secretly love each other but are unable to profess it. Reid surmised that Billie was gay, or at least bisexual, and that him having a wife or girlfriend was due to social pressure he feels is placed upon him. He couldn’t think about it further, feeling his mind slipping in and out of consciousness before it finally gave up.

* * *

“He was confronted outside his hotel room.” Hotchner said solemnly.

“An ambush.” Morgan interjected and Hotchner pursed his lips. “The UnSub then hit his head against the door and dragged him away.”

“How did no one see him?” Prentiss said with underlying anger.

“He left through a side door, using Reid’s room card. After he put him in his car, he put the card back and left through the front door.”

“So he’s organized.” Rossi said and leaned back a bit. “He must’ve followed him to his hotel. He planned this.” He spoke, more to himself.

“Did surveillance footage get a good look at him?” JJ asked as her brows furrowed.

“Nothing much,” Hotchner said as he turned to the laptop. “Garcia?”

“Right.” She typed for a bit. “Luckily for us, Manhattan is very serious about it’s security. I had the same thought, that he followed him. I managed to get the CCTV and shadowed Reid throughout the day.”

“Garcia.” Morgan said and Garcia nodded. “Right, to the point.” The CCTV footage appeared on the screen, showing Dr. Reid leaving the college. “Reid leaves the campus at 17:37:09, and a few minutes later, 17:41:34, another man leaves the campus. This man follows Reid the entire time to the hotel.” She spoke while demonstrating what she was saying. “Unfortunately for us, he never shows his face.”

Rossi frowns a bit. “Notice how he never looks up once. He must know where the cameras are.” A pause. “He’s probably a local, or even works with the cameras.”

Morgan scowled and thought for a moment. “He had to be at the lecture. That’s a few minutes after the lecture ended.”

Hotchner nodded. “JJ, get me the list of everyone who attended the lecture, Prentiss and Morgan, ask the campus staff if they noticed anyone strange or noteworthy. Garcia, keep analyzing the footage and if you find anything, call me immediately.”

“Will do, sir,” Garcia said before hanging up. They all began to get ready, and when they left, Rossi stood up and approached Hotchner. “You’re thinking what I’m thinking.” He said and Hotcher looked at their evidence board somberly.

“An erotomaniac. Reid is the object of his desires, and if Reid rejects him, the UnSub will not respond well… Reid knows this and will try to play into his fantasy to make him vulnerable.”

“We need to find him quickly. Reid can’t keep up the ruse forever.”


	3. Chapter 3

When Reid came to, it was dark. He thought at first he just had his eyes closed but even when he opened them as wide as he could it was dark. He didn’t feel anything over his eyes, so wherever he was, it was just dark. He was laying on his back, but he certainly wasn’t on the bed anymore. His hands were in front of him, though they were still bound. Wherever he was, it was hard, and he didn’t have much room to move around. It felt like a coffin, but he could tell he wasn’t underground. He was still under the effects of whatever Billie had given him, so his consciousness was touch and go. His eyes rolled back a bit but he got jolted back by his head hitting the wall. By the sound, it was wood. He groaned lowly, trying to bring his hands to his face but there wasn’t enough space to. Again, his head hit the wall, and he realized the bed was moving. He scowled and his hearing slowly began to return, though he wished it didn’t. It was moaning, from a woman, but strangely none from a man. Reid, now realizing the situation, felt he had his chance. He mustered up as much strength as he could and started banging on the roof of the box. “Help…” He said weakly, tears coming from his eyes. “P-please…” Reid ran out of strength, panting out of breath. More tears came at how useless he was. “Hotch… Morgan… Prentiss… JJ…” he murmured to himself as his eyes rolled back slightly. “Please… I-I can’t do this again.”

When he woke again, it was morning, and he was on the bed again. His wife most likely had a job, and this was the only time he could let Reid out from under the bed. His cheeks were stained with tears, he was tired. “Billie…” he murmured, his eyes rolling to the side. “Billie…”

“I’m here, Spencer.” He said and sat down next to Reid, petting his hair gently. “What is it?”

Reid swallowed roughly and looked up at the man. “I need to eat.” His voice was polite, soft. Billie nodded quickly. “Right. Right, my fault.” He stood up. “Are eggs okay?” He nodded and Billie left the room. He heard him go downstairs, two story house. He adjusted himself in bed to be more comfortable as he began to recall what had happened yesterday. He felt queasy even thinking about it, thinking about Billie’s body against his, the smell, the building sensations-- before he knew it, more tears left his eyes. He didn’t think he had anymore. The worst part of it was the knowledge that Billie will only progress.

The aroma of eggs filled the house and Reid closed his eyes, imagining better times. He fondly remembered a time with Morgan where he surprised him with an egg sandwich after mentioning he hadn’t eaten anything. The warm memory was lost from him as Billie entered the room with a plate of scrambled eggs. He sat down on the bed next to him as usual, and Reid noticed a wedding ring on his ring finger.

“You’re married.” He spoke as Billie began to feed him the scrambled eggs.

“I hope you’re not upset.” He looked sad. “You have to understand… my old man… He’s not exactly keen on this sort of thing… But don’t worry.” He smiled. “You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.” He moved some hair from Reid’s face. “I know it isn’t ideal, but with our current circumstances, I don’t think it’s too shabby.” Once Reid was done, he set the plate aside and kissed his forehead. “Feel better?”

He nodded and forced himself to smile. “Thank you, Billie.”

Billie smiled back but his mood quickly changed to anger. “Was that you? Banging on the bed last night?” He said as his eyebrows twisted in rage.

The younger man swallowed nervously and started to tear up with fear. “No, Billie, i-it wasn’t--”

“Don’t you fucking lie to me, you fag!” Billie snapped at him which caused him to flinch and start crying. “I-I’m sorry, please, I-I”

He slapped him hard across the cheek which caused him to grunt in pain. “I did so much for you -- I’ve done everything for you, all of this, and you try to undo it?” Billie stood up and his eyes began to tear. “I have been to every single lecture, every single public appearance, watched every video, read every quote a-and thesis and comment and you have the audacity, the audacity--!”

“I’m sorry, Billie, I am! Please! I won’t do it again, I won’t. I promise. I-I know how much work you’ve put into this and I’m sorry I took it for granted. Please, please…” He gave him a desperate look, and Billie couldn’t stand to see him so hurt.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, Spencer.” He sat back down next to him and fixed his hair, though Reid flinched and looked away at first. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Reid’s eyes widened. _ ‘I’ll make it up to you.’ _ No, no, no. He started to cry and pull on the restraints. “Please… I don’t--”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay… relax, I’ll make you feel better.”

“No, no, no, no, please, I-I don’t want to.” He begged, pleaded, all dignity lost from his voice.

“It’ll make you feel better, I promise…” Billie laid down next to Reid, kissing and nipping at his neck while his hand wandered lower. Reid arched his back and turned away from Billie, trying to hold back tears. He closed his eyes as tight as possible and pulled on his wrist restraints.

Billie’s hand undid his belt and pants again, his hand slithering under his underwear. He began stroking him, which caused Reid to squirm in discomfort and pleasure.

“You’re so cute when you squirm~” He whispered into the doctor’s ear as he picked up his pace. Reid began to pant, his hips pressing into the other man’s hand. Billie smirked at that and took that as a queue to continue that pace.

“Pl-please -- Billie, please, I-I--” He winced and let out a defeated whimper, pulling on the restraints harder. He quieted Reid with a kiss, which Reid couldn’t help but kiss back. He whimpered again and finished, his thighs trembling a bit.

“You got your shirt messy.” He said as Reid came back to his senses. “Let me change you.” Billie stood up and went into the wardrobe. He dug around for a bit before taking out a white dress shirt, taking a deep breath to smell the scent. “I hope you didn’t miss this one too much.” He held onto it tightly. “I smell it all the time… you wore this at your lecture at University of New Haven, 2007.” He sniffed it again. “It still smells like you… after all this time.” He smiled fondly. “My favorite one is the 2009 one I have. It was really hard to get, but once I had it in my hands…” He clenched the cloth tighter in his fists. “I knew I could never let go.” He closed his eyes and reminisced for a moment before releasing his tight grip on the shirt. He walked over to Reid, setting the shirt aside on the bed.

“I’m going to undo your wrist bindings. If you even dare try anything, I won’t hesitate to hurt you.” He spoke slowly, like how you would to a child.

Reid nodded weakly and closed his eyes in submission. Billie took that as his queue and reached into his pocket, taking out a ring of keys. He reached up and unlocked his wrists from the bedframe and Reid placed his hands on his chest, his arms thanking him for the end of the strain. He took another key and unlocked his wrist cuffs from each other. “Thank you.” Reid said quietly and Billie kissed the side of his head. “You’re welcome. You can change yourself, I’ll look away.” He stood up and turned to face the window.

Reid took this moment to roll his shoulders, they were tense from the uncomfortable position. He undid his tie, setting it aside neatly before unbuttoning his shirt. He noticed his shoes were still on, which was strange to him. Not wanting to hesitate, he set his current shirt aside and put on the other shirt, buttoning it up and rolling up his sleeves like normal. “I’m done.” He said in that same soft voice and Billie turned around, though he looked unhappy. “Your tie.” He crossed his arms and gestured to it with his head.

“Right, of course.” He nodded softly and picked up the tie, tying it around his neck. Billie’s demeanor changed to his softer, more affectionate one as he sat down next to the doctor again. He took his hands into his, and Reid avoided eye contact. He looked at his arm and gently ran his fingers over old track marks. “I’m nothing like him, you know.” He looked upset. “I would never torture you… never make you kill people.”

Reid’s eyes widened a bit and his first thought was anger, but he resigned it, knowing better than to upset someone so unstable. “I know, Billie. But… I can’t live my life like this. Living under your bed while your wife goes to work.” 

“I know, I know… but I don’t know what else to do. What am I supposed to do? We can’t be together any other way.” He moved closer to Reid. “You know… I can only cum when I think about you.”

The young man swallowed down what he felt was vomit and Billie sighed. “I’ll find a better way, I promise. I’ll find a way where we can live freely, away from my dad and your team.” He rambled on while locking Reid’s wrists together again. “I won’t let them take me away from you.” Billie stood up again and smiled. “Okay, I’m going to get you some water.” He left the room. He turned to the window, looking outside to see as much as he could. There was a large lawn that met a thicket of forests and a winding gravel road leading into the forests. The house was completely isolated… he was alone. With him.

Billie came back with a cup of water, and Reid started shaking his head, his eyes tearing up. “No, no, I-I don’t--”

“Quiet… You’re thirsty. You need this.” He sat down and tears came from Reid’s eyes. “I don't want it, please, p-p--” 

Billie aggressively grabbed Reid’s jaw, which made him reach up and hold onto his arms as he forced open his mouth. “Drink it.” He ordered and poured the water down Reid’s throat. He choked and gagged at the sudden large amount of water, squirming as Billie held him. After a few seconds he let the young man go, letting him cough and gasp for air. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Spencer.” He said in a somber tone before getting up. Reid turned to Billie, his eyes wide with desperation. “Please, don’t go.” He begged and Billie had to bite his lip. “Please, d-don’t leave me here, please--” He panicked as he already started to feel the effects of the drugs. Billie's hesitation was temporary as he walked towards the door, and Spencer began sobbing, getting on his knees and reaching out to him. “Don’t leave me here!” He cried out loudly and Billie sighed, turning the doorknob. “I’m sorry.” He said before leaving the room, closing the door behind him. 

He began to cry, hiding his face in his hands. In his mind, he imagined Hotchner, talking to him.  _ ‘You only have a few minutes before the drug begins to kick in. Do anything you can to try to get help.’  _ The voice, even if it was imaginary, gave him a sense of comfort and calmness. He buckled down, wiping his tears away and taking a deep breath. He grabbed a pillow and crawled to the foot of the bed. His ankles weren’t directly locked to the bed frame which gave him a few inches of leeway. He braced himself before falling to the floor, the pillow catching his fall and not making too much of a noise. Already, he was feeling lightheaded and disoriented, but he had to fight past it if he had a chance to succeed. Once on the floor, which was carpet, he saw that the bed frame itself had a storage compartment under it, where Billie presumably had been hiding him when his wife came home. Not wanting to waste time, he bit down on his pointer finger as hard as he could, making himself wince in pain as blood was drawn. Now, his vision was beginning to get foggy, and his coordination began to grow poor. He used all of his energy into writing, though his mind was beginning to black out.  _ ‘Helpm’ _ .

* * *

“Hi, this is SSA Derek Morgan and I’m Agent Emily Prentiss, we’re from the FBI and we’d like to ask you some questions about the lecture.”

“Right,” he thought for a moment, “for that missing kid. Dr. Reid, was it? Shame.” He said.

“Did you notice anyone strange? Maybe paying too close attention to the lecture?” Morgan asked, putting his badge away.

“Hmm… well… I remember there was this one kid…” He frowned.

Emily handed the security guard a screenshot from the CCTV. “Was this him?”

The security guard thought for a moment. “Yeah. He was here like an hour early. Don’t know his name but I see him around campus.” He rubbed his chin. “Don’t know his name.”

“Did you get a good look at him?” She continued.

“Yeah, think so.”

“If possible, we want to set you up with a sketch artist so we can have a good visual on this guy.”

The security officer nodded. “Of course. Let me just get some things settled.”

“Of course.” Prentiss said with a smile as the man handed back the picture. “I’ll wait for you here.”

“I’m gonna call Hotch,” Morgan said and Prentiss gave him a quick nod of acknowledgement.

He walked outside the campus and took out his phone, calling Hotchner.

“Hey, Hotch, one of the security guards is gonna give us a sketch of the UnSub.”

“Good.” Hotchner answered. “Garcia is running the list JJ gave her against AFIS to see if there are any matches.”

Morgan was quiet for a moment. “I feel like everything is just at our fingertips. We’re so close yet Reid feels so far away.”

“I know, Morgan.” Hotchner sighed softly. “We are all working as hard as we can to try and find him. We will find him.”

“I’m just scared we’ll be too late.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are some spelling mistakes that i missed, i don’t have a proofreader so sorry if there are some in here

Thump. Thump. Thump. Reid groaned as he rolled his eyes open but as he suspected, he was met with darkness. Again, a woman moaning, and a surprising lack of male sounds. He sighed and wiggled himself lower to avoid his head hitting the top from the bed rocking. He closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep, but the loud noises of one-sided pleasure kept him conscious enough not to rest. After what felt like forever, the sounds died down, and he finally felt like he could rest. But, as he was about to finally slip into darkness, he was abruptly shifted against the wall, whimpering softly. His eyes adjusted to the dim light as he saw Billie standing over him.

“If you speak, I’ll kill her.” He whispered, and before Reid had much time to process what was going on, he was pulled out of the compartment. On the bed he saw a woman with shoulder-length brown hair, facing away from him, presumably asleep. His eyes widened and he had to put a hand over his mouth to stop himself from letting out a noise. Billie threw Reid over his shoulder and left the room. At that moment he noticed Billie was nude and sweaty.

He brought Reid downstairs and he saw the house better, even though the only light was the moonlight peeking in through the windows. There were framed pictures of the two of them, though there was something superficial about it all. His wife, who Reid saw better, had almost the same hair color as him, eye color, and noticeable circles under her eyes. It was unsettling, to say the least. He brought Reid and to the forest before dropping him on the ground. He grunting softly, curling into a fetal position on the leaves. 

Billie was like a beast, inhuman, breathing heavily over Reid. “I can’t stand it.” He said in a lowly tone. “I have sex with that woman every single night and I can’t cum unless I think about you. Why do I have to keep imagining when I have the real thing?”

Reid turned on his back, using his heels to move away from Billie. “Please don’t do this, Billie. Please.” He said with tears in his eyes.

“I… have been… incredibly patient with you, Spencer. I feed you, tend to your wounds, take care of you. And what have you done for me? Nothing!” He yelled and Reid flinched.

“I’m sorry!” He cried out in fear, raising his hands towards him defensively. “I’m sorry, I am, but you don’t have to do this! Please, Billie.”

With the moonlight towards his back, the man was a silhouette, with Reid trembling within his shadow. “Make it up to me.” He raised his chin and started stroking himself in front of the terrified man. “Show me some gratitude, Spencer.”

Reid closed his eyes tightly and looked away, panting and shaking. “Please… p-please… don’t do this…” He begged. But begging would not work for a man with his ears shied away.

Billie suddenly grabbed a chunkful of Reid’s hair, yanking him off the ground which elicited a yell of pain from him. “Open your mouth.” He ordered and Reid just looked up at him, his dirty cheeks having clean streaks caused by the tears. He slapped Reid roughly, having him fall to the floor again. 

“I said open your fucking mouth!” He yelled and Reid started sobbing. He yanked Reid’s hair again and made him kneel in front of him. Not wanting to be hit again, he reluctantly opened his mouth, his jaw trembling in terror. Suddenly, Billie’s member was thrusted into his mouth, which caused him to gag and cough. He didn’t want for Reid to get adjusted, aggressively using his mouth. Tears rapidly went down his cheeks as he continued to try and get anything for air. Spit and mucus was getting everywhere as his face started going purple. Before he lost consciousness, Billie took Reid off his member, letting him get some air. He heaved deeply, coughing roughly as saliva ran down his chin. Before he could properly get air, he was forced back onto his member. This happened a few times before he kept Reid all the way on his member, causing him to instinctively push and scratch Billie for air. At that moment, Billie came, rolling his head back as he finally let Reid go. He fell to his side, coughing and heaving for air as he could taste an unpleasant salty flavor on the back of his throat. This only made him gag more, which ultimately led him to throw up. He was shaking horribly, his body going through shock. 

“Somebody help me!” He cried out as loud as he could, sniffling.

Billie laughed at him. “Scream, yell, you faggot! No one's gonna hear you!” He said and kicked his back. “Scream! Come on! Scream!”

He sobbed loudly and continued to cry and cry, and Billie let him do so until he fell asleep from exhaustion.

* * *

“So, I ran all the names through AFIS and found nothing.” Garcia began. “But, you guys said that this guy probably stalked Reid, so, I cross referenced the names with other lectures he’s done and… the word ‘stalker’ does not even come close to this dude. William Armitage, 32, has been to every single one of his lectures since 2004. And I mean, every single one, not only New York locations.”

“What else do you have on this guy?” Morgan asked and Garcia typed for a moment.

“Well, he grew up in rural Pine Island, New York. Was a straight-a student, quarterback, and basically perfect. But, according to his father, during practice at home, William tore his shoulder and couldn’t play football anymore.”

“When was that?”

“2003. And before you asked, yes, I called family and friends and they said the father beat him regularly, for being ‘feminine.’”

“Makes sense. Guy becomes hypermasculine to please his father.” Morgan interjected and Garcia nodded. “Right you are, but, shortly after his shoulder tearing, a fellow student -- an openly gay student by the name of Logan MacForester, was found beaten practically to death. Braindead, at least. The hospital said that William would visit every year. Six months ago, Logan passed away due to natural causes.” Garcia put up a picture of Logan on the screen, which made everyone in the room uneasy. He was skinny, with brown hair to his shoulders, with brown eyes.

“I know. I had the same reaction too.”

“So, William was gay, his father beat him for it, so he lives out this picturesque life before getting his shoulder torn, so he takes it out on a random kid?”

“Not just any kid. According to a friend, a lover.”

“Armitage is using Reid as a surrogate for Logan. He regrets his actions, regrets what he had done, and is trying to live a fantasy with Logan through Reid.” Rossi said.

“Well, William is married to Kimberly Rosen,” her picture appeared on the screen. “They’ve been married for four years.”

“Kimberly was a surrogate for Logan, but when Logan died, it made him crave the true object of his affection.” Hotchner looked at the evidence board.

“Reid.” Prentiss said, finishing Hotchner’s thought. “What’s their last known address?”

“They live on his family farm in Pine Island. I’m sending you the address now.”

“Thank you, Garcia.” Morgan said and she sighed. “Just get our boy home.” She hung up and he closed the laptop.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey.” A distant, airy voice told him. Reid moved his eyes under his eyelids, slowly coming to.

“Hey.” At first, he felt relaxed, but as he woke up and became more cognitive, his stomach sank. He didn’t want to open his eyes, he didn’t want to see his capture. But he couldn’t hide from his reality. He let out a soft noise and opened his eyes, and he noticed he wasn’t in the bedroom.

“There you go.” Billie smiled softly. “Hi there.”

Reid rolled his eyes a bit before finally focusing on the face above him. “Please…” He mumbled out. “Let me go…” He was exhausted at this point. 

“I’m going to let you undress yourself and after I’ll bathe you.” He unlocked his wrist and ankle cuffs from each other. “I’ll wash your clothes too.” He stood up and left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Reid curled his knees to his chest, the memories of last night flashing every time he blinked. He remembered himself, choking, gagging, losing consciousness at the lack of oxygen he was getting. The smell of the leaves, the smell of his own vomit, the taste of the man’s--

“I can help you if you want.” Billie said through the door.  
“No… It’s okay… I-I need to use the bathroom.”

“Alright, uhh, just knock on the door when you’re done.” He said and walked away.

Reid relieved himself before looking around the room for something. It was an average bathroom, nothing especially special. He walked to the mirror and took a moment to look at himself. His hair was disheveled, with dirt and leaves in his hair. His face and clothes are dirty, but clean streaks of tears and saliva were on him. He swallowed and lifted his chin up, seeing bruises from when he was choked. He could feel sorry for himself and give in, but he knew better. He opened behind the mirror and saw some assorted ointments, medicines, but most importantly, a straight razor. He took it, biting his lip. This would be his only chance. He sat down on the toilet and began undressing himself, wincing in pain. His body was riddled with various bruises and cuts, a mix from being beaten and being on the rough forest ground. He was nude at last, setting his clothes by the tub and sitting down next to it. His hand was in the clothes, holding on tightly to the straight razor’s handle.

“I’m done!” He called out. “I-I can’t crawl to the door.” He said, purposely sounding weak. After a moment, Billie entered the room, blushing lightly. He froze, before looking away. “I-I’m sorry, I… Let’s get you cleaned up.” He walked towards Reid, kneeling down by him. He took out his keys and reached to lock his wrist cuffs together, but in a swift movement, Reid took the straight razor and cut as deep as he could into his hand. Billie screamed in pain and reeled back, blood spurting. Before he could process what he had done, he got up and ran past Billie, opening the door and slamming it behind him. He saw a phone, probably Billie’s, and he grabbed it before running down the stairs as fast as possible before opening the front door. He started running along the gravel path, ignoring how it caused immense pain to his bare feet. He kept running and running, his legs not stopping. His legs eventually slowed down, and he was at a crossroads. There were no street signs to indicate where he was. After a moment, he lifted his hand, seeing the phone he was clutching so tightly to. His hand was trembling, and he could barely dial 9-1-1.

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”  
“My name is Spencer Reid, Doctor Spencer Reid.” He was so out of breath he could barely speak. “I’ve been kidnapped by a man who goes by ‘Billie.’ He is a tall man with blonde hair and green eyes, and--”

“Spencer? Are you okay?”

“...”

“Spencer? Are you there?”

“...”

“I’m sending the police, just stay tight.”

“...--” The call cut off at that.

* * *

“William Armitage! This is the FBI!” Hotchner yelled before opening the already open door. Him, along with the rest of the team and SWAT entered the house. There was lots of blood, coming from the bathroom. He gestured to the SWAT to go upstairs as he followed them. The door was already open, and inside, there was a pool of blood along with Reid’s clothes on the door and a straight razor amongst it all.

“No, no…” Hotchner said softly to himself and Morgan came to the bathroom, his eyes tearing up. “No… no… it can’t be him. This can’t be his… Please don’t let it be him.”

“We need to get this blood to the lab as soon as possible. Unless proven otherwise, we are still going to operate as if Reid is alive. Understand?” Hotchner told a stunned Morgan, who was unresponsive. “Morgan.” He said and stood in front of him, gripping onto his shoulders.

“We’re going to find him, Morgan, I promise.”

“... I just don’t want it to be in a body bag.”


	6. Chapter 6

Reid slowly woke up, his vision blurry and his head pounding even more than it was previously. He tried to remember how he got here, but everything was such a blur, and thinking only caused his headache to get worse. He slowly raised his head. The only thing registering in his vision were abstract blobs of dark colors. A bright light was flashed in his eyes and he reeled back, facing away from it.

“I don’t know what more I can do for you, Spencer. I do everything for you and you still hurt me.” The man sat down in front of Reid.

 _Billie_.

Reid reluctantly turned his head back towards the light. His eyes still couldn’t focus but behind the bright light was a dark figure.

“... Billie…”

“Don’t ‘Billie’ me.” He was quiet for a moment. “... I’m sorry about what happened in the forest. I was upset and I took it out on you. But you, doing this?” Billie held up his hand, which was bloody and wrapped crudely in a towel. “You’re lucky I love you, otherwise I would’ve killed you just like that goddamn doormat of a wife.”

Reid’s heart sunk. “You killed her? Y-Your wife?”

“I told you. Why am I with her when I have you?” He reached forward with his good hand and stroked Reid’s cheek. “Don’t worry, it was quick. She didn’t feel a thing.” Billie stood up for a moment as Reid’s vision began to focus more. He was in some kind of wooden room, he wasn’t sure if it was a cabin or shed. There was a lightbulb dangling lowly from the ceiling a foot or two from him. He was in a wooden chair, his wrists locked to the arms of the seat and his ankles to the legs. Strangely enough, he was wearing clothes. They weren’t the ones he had left in the tub but they were definitely his. It was hastily done, the buttons of his shirt mismatched and the vest not pulled all the way down. He didn’t have shoes on, but socks were slid. His tie was hanging around his neck, not done. Before he could survey his surroundings more, Billie came back.

“Do you remember this?” He asked and held the straight razor out for Reid to see. He swallowed nervously, squirming in his seat.

“I’m sorry, B--”

“I said, do you remember this?!” He exclaimed which caused Reid to flinch.

“Yes! Yes, god…” He looked down.

“Good.” He walked behind Reid with it, and he turned his head the best he could to see what was happening.

Billie took a bit of the towel on his hand and ripped it into a strip before rewrapping his mutilated hand. He walked over to the other. “This is a trust exercise. My marriage counselor suggests that these sorts of things can help the strength of a relationship.” He put the strip over his eyes tightly, tying it firmly.

Reid held onto the arms of the chair and simply braced himself. He was too tired to cry, too tired for tears. He was beginning to break

He jumped a bit at a cold liquid being spread on his face.

“It’s just shaving cream. I promise.”

After this, Billie lifted Reid’s chin until the angle was perfect. “Stand still, and I won’t hurt you. Understand?”

“Y-yes.” He stuttered out and he felt the cold metal of the blade begin to scrape his skin. He started under his jaw, and his touch was soft and gentle. Reid kept himself incredibly still, his breathing shallow and shaky as he could feel his fingernails digging into the chair.

“You’re doing so well,” Billie said passingly as he moved onto his face.

“All done.” He said before washing his face with water. “You look perfect.”

Reid suddenly felt lips pressed against his, and he didn’t bother trying to fight it, although he didn’t actively participate. After a few moments, they pulled away, and Reid lowered his head in defeat.

“You didn’t mean to hurt me, right, Spencer?”  
Reid was silent for a moment, his brain not registering that he was being talked to at first.

“... no. No, I didn’t.” He lifted his head to where the voice came from.

“That’s what I thought too. You would never hurt me.” He walked back to the table before coming back. “I wanted to do this in a different way, but your team has forced my hand.” Anger grew within him. “It was supposed to be special!” He slammed his hand against the wall before sighing. “I’m sorry, Spencer. None of this was what I planned. But that’s how life is, right? You have a perfect plan all laid out for you and the world actively does everything in its power to try and stop that plan from happening. You know what I say? Fuck it. Just because we aren’t on the plan doesn’t mean that we can’t have a good time.” He walked to Reid and he heard the jingle of the key ring. “If you try anything, I will beat your face in.” His tone was monotone.

Reid nodded weakly before Billie unlocked his wrists and ankles from the chair. He took his wrist firmly and yanked him from the chair which caused a small yelp. He kept his firm hold on his wrist as he walked with Reid for a short distance before he felt himself get thrown onto a mattress. He felt around blindly before Billie grabbed both his wrists, locking them together behind his back.

Due to his headache, his thinking was delayed, but once he had put the pieces together, he began to panic. “No, no!” He protested as he kicked around blindly, trying to squirm away. Billie grabbed his ankle and pulled him back to him effortlessly.

“Stop moving!” Billie yelled and smacked him across the head. Reid grunted as he felt his tears wet the makeshift blindfold. “Let me go! Please!” He cried out. “I don’t want this!” He said, his heart beating out of his chest in fear.

“Just -- just shut up!” Billie said and pressed his palm as hard as he could against Reid’s mouth. Reid continued to protest, and as before, Billie allowed him to until he exhausted himself. He slowly lifted his palm, wiping away his tears. “I know. This isn’t how I wanted it either. But I can’t wait.” Billie stood up from the mattress as Reid rolled onto his side, curling into a fetal position. He sobbed horribly as the man came back.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Billie pet Reid’s hair. “It’s okay.” In an unexpected move, he pulled the shaking, crying man into his lap, holding onto him tightly. “Let it out, baby.”

Reid didn’t have the luxury to protest the affection he was being presented. He sobbed into Billie’s chest, moving closer to him for a semblance of comfort. Billie pet his back, and behind the blindfold, he could imagine Hotchner and Morgan holding him and taking him away. He smiled weakly at the thought, and that small drop of hope kept him from completely giving into Billie’s wishes. He eventually calmed down and Billie moved away a bit, wiping Reid’s cheeks. “There you go. Feel better now?”

“Yes.” His voice was frail. “Thank you, Billie.”

“You’re welcome.” Billie gently laid Reid down on his back. “Now, the more you relax, the more you’ll get out of it.” He instructed before pulling off Reid’s pants, folding them and setting them aside. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

He felt his cheeks grow red in embarrassment at how vulnerable he was, how exposed. His shirt thankfully just reached the length to cover everything. 

Billie frowned a bit. “Dammit…” he mumbled to himself before getting back up. He came back and cut off Reid’s vest, taking it off, which left him in just his shirt and sagging socks. “There we go… Now, I’m gonna bend your knees.” He spoke to him in that slow voice again before bending his knees until what was under the shirt was completely exposed.

Reid felt nauseous, in half anticipation and half disgust. He wasn’t fighting back, he wasn’t doing anything against what his kidnapper was doing to him. He was tired, his body aching all over, and his head still pounding. He didn’t have the energy to fight it anymore.

“God… Spencer...” Billie practically moaned before settling himself between his legs. He kissed the tender inside of his thighs, which caused shivers and goosebumps.

“Sensitive… how cute.” He said and slowly kissed his way to the other’s member. He had to swallow down bile and in his mind he kept playing over and over again that his team would bust down the door and save him.

His fantasy was interrupted by the pulses of pleasure that started to radiate like waves and left at his fingertips. He couldn’t help but moan as Billie licked and stroked him, although he felt his eyes burn with water. 

Billie continued to tease him, rubbing his thigh as he kept bringing Reid closer and closer to his peak. Reid’s carefully constructed wall began to break down as he panted, his knees getting weak. He licked his underside which sent shivers down his spine, his head rolling back a bit.

Billie smirked at that. “You like that?” He said before doing it again, causing him to let out a quiet whimper. “No need to be ashamed. It’s just you and me.”

Reid didn’t want to like it, he really didn’t. But days of feeling drugged, being beaten and choked, and with no real sign that they were close to finding him, he couldn’t help but feel a part of him resigned to what he was going through. It wasn’t giving up hope, but knowing that if he acted out now, he wouldn’t make it to the end. So, with an educated decision, he relaxed into the other man’s touch. Billie noticed that, affectionately rubbing his thigh. “There you go, Doctor.” His voice was playful. “You can speak, you know.”

Reid swallowed roughly, his throat dry and itchy. 

“I…” He had to choke back his nausea. “I-I’ve always loved y-you, Billie.” He stuttered out, not able to make eye contact with his assailant. “I-I have ever since I laid eyes o-on you.”

Billie swooned over his words, licking up his shaft again which caused a whimper. “I know… it was painful, every single day without you by my side.” He pulled away from Reid, standing up. “I couldn’t get your name out of my head,” he said in passing before walking around, presumably getting something. “You were the only thing I ever thought about. I tried to forget you, I really did, but I couldn’t.” He came back between Reid’s legs, kissing the inside of his thigh affectionately. “I cleaned you when you were sleeping. I wanted to do it in the tub, have an intimate moment, but you obviously felt different.” He was passive-aggressive.

Reid tensed up at his change of tone, and he knew he had to pacify him to keep himself from getting hurt. “I-I want you.” He felt so sick, his legs shaking in terror, eyes watering. 

That immediately changed Billie’s mood for the better and he tenderly kissed his thigh again. “I know. But this is your first time and I don’t want to hurt you.” Billie’s voice was soft, patient now. He was completely different from the man Reid had encountered in the forest.

The doctor’s eyes widened and he arched his back as he felt a warm, lubed finger probe him. “Shh, shh, it’s okay,” Billie said while using his other hand to push his body back on the mattress.

 _Square breathing_ , he told himself mentally. He needed to calm down if he didn’t want Billie to hurt him. He hated that he knew he was falling right into Billie’s plan, and he was completely helpless to do anything against it. He had already run all the scenarios through his mind thousands of times, accounting for every single variable, and his chances of leaving alive were slim to none if he didn’t cooperate. Reid began to mumble numbers to himself, breathing in and out slowly while the other began to prod him with his finger.

“What are you saying?” Billie said with a frown.

“I-It’s called square breathing,” he began to explain, “i-it’s a common technique practiced by, uhmm, by therapists and counselors to c-calm down their patients.” Somehow, it was a comfort to say that.

“Huh.” Billie thought for a moment. “I gotta use that sometime. How does it work?”  
“Well, uhm, its called square breathing because you can visualize the technique as a square, each side representing 4 seconds. You take four seconds inhaling, hold it for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, rest for four seconds.”

“You’re so smart,” the other cooed affectionately. “I love that about you. Always have.” Billie began again.

Reid let out small pants and noises, before feeling a sudden rush of pleasure coarse through him. He moaned, arching his back and closing his eyes tightly. Billie hummed at the reaction. “Found it. You’re not that different from everyone else, Dr. Reid.” 

“P-please, Billie,” Reid pleaded, his voice cracking. The realization was setting in, about what was about to happen. He knew that no matter what he said, Billie would still do it. But there was some irrational side of him, some fleeting hope, wishing that he would stop.

“So needy.” Billie kissed up Reid’s body to his face, nipping at his jaw. “Tell me how much you want me, Spencer. I want to hear you say it.”

He didn’t have enough hydration in his system to produce tears, but his eyes were burning behind the blindfold. “I-I need you, Billie,” his voice was timid, frightened. Reid was never the best actor. “I-I need y-you so much, I’ve been waiting s-so long for this. P-please…”

“Good boy.”

_A dog. He thinks of me as a pet. An object._

“I’ll go slow, let you get used to it,” he whispered in Reid’s ear.

Reid’s eyes watered, even with the dehydration, and he couldn’t help his muscles tense under the man as he began to penetrate him. His legs began to shake like a newborn calf, and as much as he wanted to fight back and try to stop it, he knew he couldn’t. It hurt, even with the prep, but nothing tore, which was good.

Billie moved some hair from his face, taking a moment to admire Reid’s face. He was glistening with sweat, his cheeks and ears burning red hot, with his lip quivering in fear. He loved every minute of it. He wished he could see his eyes. Taking the blindfold off would be too much of a risk and he couldn’t allow Reid to gauge his surroundings again after the bathroom.

He gasped as the other man starting rolling his hips, uncomfortable with the feeling. He distracted himself from the situation.

_“How do you keep beating me?” Reid said, upset. “I run every possible situation and you still beat me.”_

_“Spencer, not everything is a simulation. We can predict things over and over again, but, we don’t really know until it happens.” Gideon spoke, setting up the board again._

_“There are statistics for a reason. It happens enough times for it to be categorized, have a name, and have a database for it.”_

_“Your turn.” The older man glanced up at Reid and he moved a pawn. “Not everything can be predicted. There is always a variable you’re not counting... Even if you don’t see it yet.”_

“Spencer, come back to me.” Billie whispered in his ear, rubbing his side.

Reid was plucked away from his memory. Somewhere within him, he felt strength, he knew he could get through this. And that was all he needed.

“B-Billie…” He panted. “I-It hurts.”

“I know, but you’ll get used to it.” He nipped at his jaw which sent shivers down Reid’s spine. He was quiet, distancing himself mentally from the situation as to not get too emotionally invested in the reality of his situation.

Billie began to increase his pace, which caused Reid to start letting out noises involuntarily. This riled the other man, fueling his thrusts to be more violent. Reid grunted in pain, his nails digging into his hands as he bit his lip tightly, just wanting to get this over with.

After a few minutes, each one of which Reid counted down to the second, Billie finished with a guttural groan. He breathed roughly over Reid, which caused Reid to start shaking. He recognized that breathing, it was the same as he was in the forest. He felt his chest constrict, his legs shaking, panic beginning to arise. “Please, please,” he began to beg, “please d-don’t do this, please,” he practically sobbed.

Billie pulled out of Reid, flipping him onto his knees. Reid fought back, like an animal backed into a corner. He easily overpowered the thinner man, stuffing his face into the dirty mattress before thrusting into him, ruthlessly using Reid like nothing more than a toy.

Reid cried in pain, gasping for air as he felt himself be smothered into the mattress. He began to choke, his eyes rolling back a bit as he felt his consciousness start to fade from him. But, before he was able to finally rest, Billie pulled his hair back roughly, causing Reid to whimper.

“That’s it, squeal for me, you pig!” He yelled and slapped Reid’s head before holding onto it again. He began crying out loudly as he was told, the pain of the other man’s merciless pace becoming overwhelming. He felt his eyes roll back again, becoming weak, and again, he felt a small relief in knowing he wouldn’t have to be awake for it all.

But things weren’t always so easy.

Billie slapped him again. “You can’t run away this time.” He said with spite and continued his ruthless assault. At this point, the doctor was exhausted, only letting out weak pants as Billie violated him. After what felt like an eternity, Billie finished for a second time, holding onto Reid’s hair in a fist. Finally, he let go. Reid rested his head on the mattress, gasping for air. His body was in shock, unable to process fully what had happened. The man pulled away from Reid, looking him up and down. “I’ll clean you up.”

Reid wasn’t really sure what happened next. His mind had completely disassociated with his body. His mind went somewhere warm, somewhere comforting -- somewhere that Billie couldn’t hurt him.

_“Spencer, I told you to go to bed.” Diana said in a scolding tone._

_“I know, but I want you to read me one more story.”_

_She smiled warmly, patting the area next to her. “You get to pick this time. But this is the last one, then you go to bed.”_

_“I know.” He said while climbing onto the bed and looked over her selection of books. “This one.” He handed her a small green book._

_“Ahh, an interesting choice.” Diana coyly remarked before opening the first page. He cuddled up next to her, closing his eyes as her soothing voice lulled him to sleep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided that this chapter was good enough without the investigation portion, but it'll be in the next one, promise!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so so sorry for the hiatus, things got crazy out of nowhere. but i should be going back to a consistent weekly upload schedule ! thank you all for the continued support and here is chapter 7 !

“Do we have any idea where he would take Reid?” Hotchner said to everybody, and Morgan just shook his head.

“We still have dozens of journals to read through.” Prentiss shook her head. “I wish he was here…” She mumbled and Morgan slammed his hand against the wall. “Dammit!”

“Morgan--”

“I know!” Morgan held his head in his hands. “I know… I just… I can’t imagine what he’s going through… It… It kills me knowing that we’re here, and he’s out there, suffering.”  
“We’ve got everyone we can reading his journals, Morgan. It’s only a matter of time before we find where he’s hiding him.”  
“We don’t have time, Hotch! How long do you think Reid has before Armitage decides that he isn’t good enough anymore? How long do we have until we’re searching for a body?”

The room fell silent, and Morgan retracted into himself. “I’m going for a walk.” He said before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him. 

* * *

Reid wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep, but he had a sense it was a sizable amount. He opened his eyes but he still couldn’t see anything, due to the blindfold. His nose was hit with the hideous stench of the mattress. He groaned softly as he felt his shoulders begin to ache. His arms had been stretched behind his back by the restraints holding his wrists in place. He was cold, his legs shaking involuntarily, and he slowly rolled onto his back, panting softly.

He didn’t hear anything around him except for trees brushing quietly in the breeze and the various calls of birds. Reid bent his knees to his chest and moved his wrists under his legs so that his hands were in front of him now. He reached and slowly slid off his blindfold, squinting at the light. After a few seconds, his eyes adjusted.

Knowing his time was precious, he sat up, his body droning in pain. In the back of his mind, he knew what had happened. He knew what Billie had done. He knew why his body hurt as it did. But, he knew that if he dwelled on the matter, he wouldn’t be able to survive. He had to suppress the pain and tears for now and focus on escaping.

Reid surveyed the cabin. He saw his clothes on the floor next to him along with his cut vest, he saw a towel and bottle, but most importantly, he didn’t see Billie. He forced himself to stand, his legs shaking like a newborn deer. He rested his shoulder against the wall as he walked towards the wooden door. His feet were bruised and cut from running on a gravel road but he ignored the searing pain for now. When he got to the door, he tried to open it, but it was locked. His eyes began to burn with tears. The cabin had no windows except for a skylight that he couldn’t reach. He slid down on the wall and held his head in his hands, beginning to sob. Reid knew the statistics, and they were not in his favor. 

Reid wasn’t alone for long, as he heard distant footsteps from the forest. His heart skipped a beat, but his hope quickly fled him when the door opened.

“Hey, baby. I’m sorry I was gone for so long, I needed to get us some food.” Billie said and set a plastic bag down on the table, frowning a bit. “What’re you doing over there?”

Reid lowered his hands to his lap and looked distantly into nothing.

Billie sighed and came to Reid. “Come on, you need to eat.” He said before picking up the thinner man, setting him down in the chair. Reid, the entire time, was unresponsive. Billie went to the bag and took out an orange. 

“I know how much you like these,” he peeled it then went in front of the doctor, taking out a slice and holding it up to his mouth.

Reid, still not looking at him, opened his mouth, letting the put it in his mouth. He chewed weakly, his mouth filling with the sweet citrus taste that he had taken for granted so many times. He smiled weakly as Billie continued to feed him. Soon, he was done, and Billie wiped his mouth with the bandage of his hand.

“There you go… there’s my wonderful doctor.” Billie smiled and wiped some sweat from his forehead. He was paler than usual, with some circles forming under his eyes.

Reid noticed this, and in his mind he already knew what was happening. If he just stalled for a little while longer, his opportunity to escape would be imminent.

“Billie,” his voice was scratchy and weak, “I-I would like some water, please.” 

“Of course!” Billie went to the table and got a bottle of water. He opened it and went back to Reid, handing him the bottle.

The small gesture showed that Billie was beginning to trust Reid.

He put the bottle to his lips and closed his eyes, chugging the water as small streams of it left from the corners of his mouth. When he was done, he set the bottle down on his lap, panting for air. It had been too long since he had something cold to drink, or anything to drink, really. There was no need for Billie to drug him anymore, so he had confidence that the water was fine.

“Thank you.” Reid’s voice was like a wisp, a wandering breeze barely present.   
“You don’t need to thank me.” Billie moved some hair from his face and kissed his forehead. “I’m sorry… about what happened. Really, I am… I just get in these mood swings and I become so angry.” His jaw clenched. “But -- you don’t deserve that, and I’m sorry.”  
Reid had become conditioned to empty apologies the other man fed to him. He’s always sorry, but he continues to hurt him over and over again. The sincerity in Billie’s voice felt real but he knew better than to allow his guard down over false promises.

There was an awkward moment of silence between the two before Billie moved back to the table, coming back with a first-aid kit he had purchased. He knelt in front of the thinner man, holding one of his feet in his hand. It was bruised, with cuts and dried blood on the bottom. He opened the first aid and opened an alcohol wipe, wiping the bottom of his foot clean. Reid winced in pain, but kept still, accepting the aid the other was giving him. After cleaning the wounds, he grabbed a roll of bandages and wrapped the other’s foot tightly, then repeated it on the other foot.  
“There you go,” he said affectionately before standing up, smiling.

Another faint ‘thank you’ left his lips.

Billie put everything away and came behind him, gently petting his hair. “I know you’re still shaken up about it, I get it.” 

Reid frowned at first, but he recognized that Billie was combing his hair, and he relaxed.

“But I really do love you. I do. And I want to show you that I do… I’ll let you see your friends.” 

Reid’s eyes widened, his heart skipping a beat. He hadn’t seen his  _ friends  _ in a week, his only life for these days being with Billie. Even thinking about seeing them again caused him to tear up. 

“They won’t see you, but, you’ll see them. Okay?”

“Yes! Yes, yes, I understand,” he reached up and wiped his nose, “thank you, Billie. Thank you s-so much.” His voice was louder now.

Billie smiled at how excited Reid was. Once he finished combing his hair, he set the comb on the table. “But…”

Reid’s heart immediately sank.

“... you need to do something for me.” Billie moved in front of Reid. “Every time we’ve been intimate, I’ve initiated things. Not that I mind, but, now that we’re in a real relationship, you need to show some initiative.”

He blinked a few times, small tears running down his dirty cheeks. He knew what he was saying perfectly fine, but his mind was refusing to process it. But he had to, for his survival. Billie was his only source of food and water, and if he didn’t do what he said, he may punish him through starvation or worse.

“O-okay… what, uhm, d-do you want me to do?”

“You’re probably still sore from a few days ago, so we don’t have to do that.” Billie moved and picked up Reid, setting him back down on the mattress, sitting up this time. He took a seat next to him, smiling. “I trust you, and whatever you choose.”

Reid swallowed nervously, his knees pressed against one another. He found strength in knowing that he’d see his colleagues again. Anything would be worth seeing them again, one last time.

The younger man cautiously leaned towards Billie, their lips meeting tenderly. His kiss was timid, but Billie didn’t seem to mind, kissing back with more confidence while moving a hand to the back of Reid’s head. He subtly moved himself closer to Billie, resting on his hip and laying his legs out on the mattress.  _ Initiative. _

Reid began to kiss the man more passionately, his brow furrowing softly as he moved his hands to the other’s chest, clenching onto his shirt. He was only able to do it by imagining Billie was his college crush and they were in a dorm instead of a dingy cabin. Because he was putting himself in a more desirable situation, he could feel his body grow aroused, his member beginning to grow hard underneath his shirt.

He forced himself to pull away from the kiss, panting softly. He refused to make eye contact with Billie, because he knew if he did, he wouldn’t be able to go through with it. He needed to stay in the fantasy, for his own survival. 

He kissed down Billie’s chest and abdomen, his hands working on his jeans. He could feel that Billie was hard already, and he took his member out of his jeans, stroking it slowly. After a moment, he settled himself properly between Billie’s legs. Thankfully, his hair was in his face, preventing his peripheral vision from seeing the man who he was servicing.

Reid took his member into his mouth. He wasn’t used to having something so warm and fleshy in his mouth, but, he worked past that, sucking softly as he began to move his head.

Billie groaned softly, rolling his head back as he reached down, tangling a hand in Reid’s freshly combed hair.

Even if he didn’t want to admit it, feeling Billie’s hand was comforting. A reassurance that he was doing something right. He picked up his pace, reaching between himself and the mattress to stroke himself. His tongue wrapped around the underside of Billie’s member. Although he had no experience with this, he had read plenty of anatomy books as well as books by sex experts, mainly to understand sexual sadists more, but they had a more practical application as well.

“God, Spencer~” Billie groaned, biting his lower lip.

Hearing his voice broke him out of the fantasy, but, before he could reel himself away from the situation, Billie finished, spilling inside Reid’s mouth.

Billie kept a firm grip on Reid’s hair despite his best efforts to try and wiggle himself free. “Not yet, mmh,” he grunted out as tears rapidly rolled down Reid’s cheeks. It felt like time had froze, every second a year. But, this would pass, as Billie let go and Reid was finally able to breathe. He coughed, spitting out whatever Billie had released into his mouth. Billie did not like this, clear by his change in demeanor. “You know, sometimes, you’re just so ungrateful.” He stands up, pulling up his pants in the same motion. “But you kept your end of the deal, I guess.” He went to the table and picked up his phone. He fiddled with it for a moment before squatting before the doctor.

“Here.” Billie presented him with the phone. “Take it.”

Reid was unsure at first, staring at him with wide wet eyes as saliva dripped from his chin. He quickly wiped his mouth with his wrist before taking the phone with both hands. On the screen, it showed live footage of Prentiss and Rossi, examining the camera. Presumably, they didn’t know there was a camera, and it had been hidden in some device, but this did not matter to Reid’s fragile state of mind. The tears were flowing freely now. He could barely keep his hands from shaking as he saw them. He couldn’t hear them, the stream didn’t have any audio, but this was enough. Enough of a motivation to keep fighting. The thin man moved the phone to his chest, curling into a ball as he sobbed on the mattress. Billie respected his privacy, turning around as the sobs continued, even after the phone had died.


	8. Chapter 8

_ “Isn’t it nice?” She said with a small smile, biting her lower lip. “Sometimes, I like to sit here ‘n’ close my eyes ‘n’ just soak it in.” _

__ _ Reid’s heart was pounding outside his chest, but he attempted to keep his cool. “I suppose it’s nice. But extended exposure to UV rays can cause melanoma or other forms of skin cancer.” _

__ _ She frowned, shoving his shoulder. “Can you stop being a total loser for one second and just enjoy it?”  _

__ _ Reid winced at the shove but listened, closing his eyes as the warm Nevada sun enveloped him. _

His eyes opened, but not to his 8th grade crush, but back  _ here. _ A ray of light had fallen on his face from the skylight above. He groaned in discomfort and raised his hand weakly to cover his eyes. Not that Reid was exactly fit, but, he noticed that he was especially gangly in his hands. All he had eaten in roughly a week was scrambled eggs and an orange. As he grew more aware, he could feel the hungry cramps settle in. Another groan. He pulled his knees to his chest in an effort to stop the aches.

It was hard to keep track of time. He had no real reference of how long he’d been asleep, or what day of the week it was. Seconds melded into minutes which felt like hours. His mind was beginning to grow weary, and in this weariness — comfortable with  _ this.  _ Whatever  _ this  _ was.

Now more alert, Reid slowly rose from the mattress, a hand still acting as a visor. The phone he had fallen asleep clutching was gone along with Billie. He had an awful taste in his mouth although he preferred not to think where it came from. His hands were still locked in front of him, which was a good thing. Reid stumbled his way to the table. On it was a sticky note and plastic bag filled with Lunchables boxes. He ignored the note, grabbing a box from the bag. He forced it open with whatever strength he had and gorged on the contents, moaning softly at the taste. Lunchables tasted like golden caviar to the starving man. He ate through the first box in minutes and reached for a second before stopping himself. He wasn’t sure when he’d be given food again and eating it all now would be wasteful. Reid licked the tray clean, then his fingers, then lips. He set the tray aside, and only now did he read the note.

**‘GOING OUT. WON’T BE BACK FOR A WHILE. LOVE YOU.’**

_ A while? _ What did he mean  _ ‘a while’? _ Reid began to look over the note repeatedly, trying to understand what Billie could have possibly meant. He couldn’t just leave him, not after everything Billie had subjected him to. He scowled at the note and crumpled it, tossing it on the floor. He picked up the bag from the table and brought it to the mattress, sighing. He was too tired to be angry, or scared. He accepted the fact that he would be alone, alone for  _ ‘a while.’ _

* * *

“So, the phone inside the teddy bear was a disposable and no calls were made from it. However, while it was charged, it was live-streaming its video. I-I don’t know where, yet — this guy is good, but I’m better. Once I get anything, I’ll hit you guys up again. Garcia out.”

Morgan set his phone aside, twirling it on the table. “He has to be live-streaming it to his dad’s cabin, wherever that is.” His tone was sardonic.

“We looked into his whole family — none of them have any cabins, cottages — anything that could match the description of what he talks about. Maybe we’re looking at this wrong, maybe the cabin is some sort of metaphor?” Prentiss posed, looking around.

“But — why live-stream? To taunt Reid, to taunt  _ us _ ?” JJ asked.

“No, that doesn’t fit the profile. He’s not a sadist, hurting Reid intentionally would make him feel worse.” Rossi put a hand on his chin, staying silent before it clicked. “It’s a  _ gift, _ for Reid. Think about it. We know from the journals that he loves to give gifts, that gifts are his love language. He’s trying to make Reid feel better by letting him see us.”

“To see us?” Morgan’s brow furrowed. “The journals talk about what actions he thinks deserves gifts.”

Everyone was quiet at that.

Hotch finally broke the silence. “If Armitage is still giving Spencer gifts, that means he’s still playing along with his fantasy. Armitage is getting bolder, and he will make a mistake.” He sighed. “It’s late and we’re no good use to Reid like this. Meet back here 5 a.m. sharp.” He ordered, giving everyone a small nod.

Everyone left except for Rossi and Hotch.

“Aaron, if Spencer is doing even a faction of the things Armitage wrote… I don’t know how much longer he’ll make it. And even if he does, there’s no coming back from that.”

“I know.” Hotch held the bridge of his nose. “We… we were supposed to protect him. And we failed. This is our fault —  _ my _ fault. And now, the best thing we can do for him is try and find him before he can’t keep the ruse up anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it’s a short chapter w little action but next chapter is when things start to take a turn ! stay tuned


End file.
